friendship - let's talk about it
28th December 2024
So we’re currently a few days post-Christmas, and for the most of us that would have meant another year spent away from home. Speaking for the majority of backpackers or brits here, this most likely means you spent Christmas on the beach drinking or having a bbq, with your friends.
So, whilst I haven’t possessed a festive bone in my body for the past maybe three years, this year partially due to the fact that I’ve been sweating bollocks in the 40C melbourne heat, I think Christmas, with the noticeable absence of family, is a fitting time to talk about friendship whilst travelling.
So, do you really make friends for life whilst travelling?
The general narrative portrayed online generally goes as follows: that you will meet an infinite and ever-expanding group of absolute ride-or-die lifelong friends when you go travelling. I hate to be that person and burst the bubble, but this is unfortunately untrue for the majority of us.
Yes, if you’re travelling, you will absolutely meet people every single day, and probably have at least someone to socialise with most days. Some of these people will be so incredible and others will have you deeply questioning your faith in the human race.
Friendships, or just people you meet in general whilst travelling, have the ability to make or break a trip. A place is only so good as the people that are in it after all.
I think what people fail to speak about is the difference between meeting countless people along the way versus forming deep and long-lasting connections with friends you genuinely bond with and when/if you do, they are inevitably temporary friendships.
A hard pill I definitely had to swallow was establishing my sort of people. If you didn’t know already, I lived in hostels for seven months (yes it’s still my entire personality), and the constant stream of meeting new people which was once fresh and exciting became exhausting and repetitive. This means getting thrust into every social situation possible, having to reinvent yourself daily, repeat yourself consistently and engage in the same small talk in almost every conversation.
Initially, I was saying yes to any plan or activity that came my way, half because of the internalised pressure that I had to socialise as much as humanly possible and half because I didn’t want to spend any time on my own.
But as more time passed, and as my ability to judge people’s characters seemed to quicken, I began to realise that this mindset can actually be detrimental. I’d be sat in a hostel with a group of people thinking I actually don’t know if I like any of you. And this doesn’t make you a bad person. You’re allowed to not get on with people - not everyone is your vibe and you’re not everyone else’s either.
I realised the importance of taking a step out of certain situations, that it was better to spend a night in on my own than go on a night out with people that just were not a bit of me. And whilst an incredible part of travelling is the opportunity to meet people that you never would have otherwise, when you know someone isn’t for you, you know.
If you are travelling right now, try to relieve yourself of the pressure to make as many friends as possible as quickly as possible; this isn’t realistic and it isn’t human nature. And it also doesn’t mean you’re having a bad time.
You’ve made a friend for life, congrats. What happens next?
With all of that being said, you then meet a certain person by chance that completely alters the trajectory of your experience. As I’ve mentioned before in other posts, I’m a huge believer that everything happens for a reason; some people are supposed to come into your life when they do.
When I was living in Sydney, and was truly in the pits might I add, I stumbled across an incredible friendship by chance with an Irish girl who just so happened to be in the same hostel room as me. We were scarily similar and spent most of our time over those months joined at the hip, that girl well and truly pulled me out of some very hard times.
Then again last May when I moved to up the Gold Coast, I forged amazing friendships from a dire workplace. And then again this year, moving into a house and living with my best friends for ten months.
Until, they all inevitably go back home.
Which genuinely hurts like a fucking break up.
The temporariness of friendship, at this heightened extreme, is something I believe to be singular to travelling or backpacking. It’s something that I’ve had to grapple, and honestly really struggle, with over the past two years. And again, is something no one really talks about.
The rarity it is to firstly meet someone you are able to be so close with during your travels, and to secondly have both of your schedules align so that you remain in the same place for a prolonged period is honestly so so rare. Please cherish these friendships if you find them.
Thus forms the ongoing cycle: move to a new place, form connections, leave, start again. The reoccurring empty feeling of friendships elapsed, only their ghosts remaining.
Okay and that's enough negativity for one post!!
(Just joking - these things need to be spoken about, however let's brighten the tone slightly.)
I'll flip the perspective: even if you do meet someone and have only three months together, or three weeks, or even three days, they will always remain attached in your memory to that particular experience of that particular place - and what a gift that is.
A love letter to my friends.
Why is it that friendships are always considered lesser than romantic or familial love? Particularly in your early twenties, female friendships are integral to most, if not all, areas of your life.
Situational friendships occur frequently through a lifetime, and I don't personally think these should be viewed negatively. Sometimes they serve the purpose for that specific time in your life for both parties and you grow out of one another naturally and imperceptibly.
True friendship is something that surpasses time, distance and change.
And I would vouch that this is one of the most important lessons I’ve learned whilst moving to the other side of the world (wow maybe I really did find myself whilst travelling.)
My friendships personally have, without a single doubt, gotten me through the hardest periods of my life, both in Australia and back in the UK.
Considering the fact that I’ve been single for over three years now, (but I’d hope this would be the same if I were in a relationship), I've had to become pretty self-sufficient. But if I’m not relying on myself, I’m relying on my friends.
To find someone that has, and will continue to, grow with you, experience so many monumental occasions together and whose care doesn’t wane, even in times spent far apart, is one of the most valuable parts of our existence.
So, you know who you are:
Thank you for listening to my constant inner monologue of mostly ridiculous, and sometimes concerning, thoughts, not complaining about receiving waaay too much detail about every event that ever occurs to me, for still being interested in yet another episode of 'who I'm in love with this week' and helping me through every single (sometimes daily) breakdowns I have. And also for supporting me doing this, I’m not sure I would have had the confidence to do it without any of you.
Hug your friends more often, tell them you love them and most importantly, ask them if they’re really okay.