I drafted this piece a few months ago, forgot all about it and then due to seeing a lot of discourse about this topic online at the moment, naturally thought I'd revisit and share my two cents. 

 

Following on from my last post about dating in 2025, which you can read here, dating in our current social climate means that whilst you meet some varied and unique people, you also spot a pattern of many reoccurring stereotypes. 

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Let’s delve into them…

 

Lads lads lads

 

We’re all familiar with this type: unashamedly lad-ish in his love for footy and the biblical omen that saturday nights are for the boys. He unapologetically gets around, rarely texts back and finds a new girl with the ability to open her legs after less drinks with so quick a succession that you become nothing but a distant memory.

 

They don’t really give two fucks about your feelings, or their friends’ feelings and probably can't even understand their own. 

 

These are the sort of guys that are great when all you equally want is a bit of fun, or you're living for the plot, but ones we tend to run ten miles from if we’re seeking out any sort of romantic relation. We’ve been taught to recognise categorical red-flag behaviour and traits of toxic masculinity such as these, so that if you still proceed and choose blissful ignorance, then this one’s on your girl. 

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The pinterest-board boy

 

Now let me paint you the opposite picture:

 

This guy probably has a nose-ring, most definitely a hoop earring and a collection of patchwork tattoos that he found on Pinterest. He seems worldly, well-travelled, well-dressed, articulate. He reads, listens to Clairo, maybe paints his nails. He is most definitely a DJ, or a photographer or an artist to some varying degree (and varying understandings on his talent in said area).

 

But most importantly, he is wow, oh-so-different from the rest!! He boasts of his ability to care about feminism and women’s rights, toxic masculinity, and that tampons should be free. Throwing around phrases like 'mental fortitude', with little understanding of what a term like that actually implies. The list goes on. 

 

His depth fools you, lures you in, asking thought-provoking questions and sharing complex lore, and sprinkling a little trauma dump to truly top it off. As the deep-thinker you are, you’re naturally enraptured, falling all too easily. And then what do they do: end up treating you the exact same as the aforementioned type.

 

Dramatisations aside, this is some individuals' genuine personalities and that’s fine, and I’m absolutely not saying there’s anything wrong with having a nose piercing and wearing docs - in fact please keep it coming. 

 

performativeness 

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I think we all know what I’m getting at here - there’s an obvious difference between the authentic and the performative. It’s those who have jumped on the band-wagon, having only just understood that the female gaze exists by watching a podcast on tiktok and have thus decided to base their entire personality around it; namely, because they realise it’s attractive and appealing and a way to get a girl into bed. 

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Since I’ve been in Melbourne, I feel as though my interaction with guys like this has increased three-fold, which I guess is what you pay for when you move here. It doesn’t help, however, that this is precisely my type. 

 

It’s so performative and yet do I fall for it? every. damn. time.

 

In the beginning I was completely swept up. It was new territory for me, I’d never really been with a guy that had even read a piece of literature, let alone a self-help book.

 

Yet, in this blurring between authenticity and pretence, the facade inevitably begins to fall. The faux intellect, the emotional maturity, the outcome is all the same: that they don't actually give two fucks about your feelings, or female wellbeing as a whole for that matter. And this is why it's all-the-more disappointing. It's a curveball, something you weren't expecting, because they were different than the rest.

 

Arguably, they’re more of a red flag than other male stereotypes, they’re just hiding it underneath a cream knit jumper, a tote bag and an iced oat matcha - at least the lads are unapologetically themselves and own their behaviour.

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Jokes aside, it is interesting then, that this entire performative nature is geared toward the female gaze and feminine interest as ironically, it only really appeals to the male, ultimately serving patriarchy in the wider scope. It's deceptive at its core. 

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At the end of the day we're all free to dress how we like, listen to what we like and so on and so forth. But if, like me, this is your type, just be a little more attuned to the possibility that your heart might get broken, and that it will hurt twice as much.