Moving to melbs alone (aka why the fuck am I doing this to myself again)
- a diary of the first two weeks
24th November 2024
48 hours in -
So, I’m leaving everyone and everything I know behind and moving to a new city alone, where I know a grand total of two people!! I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t absolutely fucking shit scared, but I’ve done it before and I can do it again (keep telling yourself this India.)
I’m currently sat writing this inside a coffee shop, soggy and deflated because it’s pissing it down outside and I evidently don’t own any appropriate attire for this city… or an umbrella … or a puffer coat.
Life’s feeling pretty bleak right now I won’t lie to you. I’ve traded in a beautiful house two minutes from the beach, living with my best friends and having gorgeous blue skies everyday for something that couldn’t be more different. Most people I knew in the Gold Coast thought I was crazy for doing this, all similarly exclaiming: why the hell would you choose Melbourne, are you insane?
Packing up my very minimal life for the 1300th time
But as I wrote in my previous post, I was very much feeling stagnant and stuck. I feel as though I’ve come here to chase something, and as my gorgeous friend Ella pointed out, I don’t have a fucking clue what that is yet. Melbourne appeals to me in all the ways the Gold Coast doesn’t; it has art, culture, music, nightlife, good coffee and food. I have so many interests that I want to pursue and just don’t up in Queensland, arguably because there are minimal creative outlets, but also because if I had any spare time I would be at the beach and as I have repeatedly told myself: SUNBATHING ISN’T A HOBBY.
First night in melbs!!
6 days in -
Yesterday, I decided to revisit the first coffee shop I ever went to in Australia: Seven Seeds. I really thought this would be a full circle activity, to picture exactly where I was almost two years ago: a naive 22 year old fresh off the plane, and compare the huge difference to who I was then and who I am now. Instead, the reality couldn’t have been further from this.
I spent the majority of my time barely touching my coffee and instead focused on my crippling anxiety at the interview I had in an hours time, the house viewings that I wasn’t hearing back from and my hyper awareness of my lack of friends here. So two years later, sat in the exact same seat in the exact same coffee shop, and I had no grand revelation as to how much I’d figured out
Seven Seeds, Carlton
and how amazing my life was now compared to what it was when I first arrived. In fact, I probably felt worse off here than I did back then, probably because I’d rationalised that it was acceptable to feel all these things two years ago whereas it wasn’t now.
you can't run back to comfort at the first sign of fear
14 days in -
Okay so we’re two weeks in now and I’ve been reflecting on this. I know SO much has happened in this two-year time period, I’ve learned an abundance of life lessons, enough to realise that I have to give myself some grace, that I’m allowed to not put a brave face on all. the. fucking. time.
I’m back in the place I first started, and in many ways I am the same person but in many ways I am completely different.
I keep reminding myself that I have to give Melbourne a chance - you can’t run back to comfort at the first sign of fear.
If anything, this is another valuable life lesson: of chasing the dreams that you’re after and having the strength to break away from the allusion of safety that is, in actuality, holding you back in more ways than you can comprehend.
So two weeks in and I can tell you I’m feeling infinitely more settled, I moved into a place, got myself three jobs (desperate times call for desperate measures), and just finished furnishing my room. Sometimes, I need to take a step back and realise everything that I’ve achieved within this short time period instead of focusing on everything I haven’t.
I won’t bullshit you, those first 10-14 days were extremely extremely hard and I was just in a constant anxious state, worrying about money, stability, friendships (getting ghosted by the first melbourne date I’ve been on really helped the mix here as well tbh.)
But mainly, I'm writing this to anybody that’s moved to a new city, state, country or even continent on their own and are feeling incredibly overwhelmed, lost and alone.
'You are bound by nothing but your own fear, so you will not find freedom anywhere but within yourself'
- Brianna West, The Most Taboo Thing in our Culture is Radical Honesty, and That's Exactly the Problem
Some of my favourite moments over the past two weeks
You have to persevere.
Continue to override the constant obstacles that make you feel as though the whole move and world is against you. Cliche as it is, and as hard as it is to believe it, everything does work out. And if you give it six months and you’re still absolutely hating it, then move back babe, but at least you bloody tried.